GOD IS GOOD ALWAYS GOOD, HOW HE NEVER FAILS

 I moved to the USA, from Belize, when I was nineteen. I lived with my sister. Life in Belize was not bad, I left because of personal issues. My dad also wanted me to come to the US to study and become a nurse, because as a child I was always very sick.

Anyway I made it here, legally of course, lol. I got a job as a glorified babysitter. I say glorify because, I also did all the housework. after working for a while, I met my first husband. what a disaster. Of course I am giving you the short version of everything that happened. At first he pretended to be a good person, later on I found out from his parents that he was addicted to drugs. By then it was too late, I was trapped. Pregnant, homeless and abused. 

The entire time we were married, he was abusive, used drugs and had us living on the streets between LA and Las Vegas. I came over legal and married to him I was legal in a sense, but he wouldn't apply for my papers, because that way he was in control. Every so often we would manage to get a house, of course it didn't last for very long. anyway I was raised to do everything to the best of your ability and to stay when the going gets tough. So i did, for fifteen years, i did. "And it was pure hell." 

At this point we had moved to Ohio, where he was born. He claimed his family had many houses and would help us to get off the streets. More lies. But thank God, in Ohio I attended the seventh day Adventist church and there I had help getting a divorce. I had a very dear friend in Ohio, I loved her as a mother. She has now passed away. God bless her soul.

After the divorce I still didn't get any peace. Every time I dropped off the kids for visitation or he picked them up, he would abused me sexually and beat me up. I would call for help, but racism is still alive and well in most places unfortunately.

After a while I met someone else, who claimed to be a good person and would love me and my children, more lies. He hated my children. By this time I was so beaten down that I thought he really loved me. The situation was better than the last, in the way that he did not beat the life out of me. He was still physically and verbally abusive, but not as bad and I was so messed up I thought that was good enough. He also said he wanted me with my six children so that made me think he was different. He wasn't by much. I had two children in that marriage, and went and got myself fixed. Five years later and after more abuse, I found out surgery did not work and I was pregnant yet again. This made a total of nine children. In between all this, I tried to get help not to have so many children but was told I was either too young for the help or it didn't work. "But I love all my children, none of them are a mistake. They are the best thing that ever happened to me." That being said, I will take a break, just trying to catch you guys up to today. I left out so much of it. like the fact that  we were homeless and living on the streets when my dad passed away in Belize and I didn't get to say goodbye. Okay, okay, sorry taking a break. Doing this takes a toll on me. Please have patience

Okay, i am back. so as I was saying, there is a lot of things that I skipped over, so if anyone have any questions, please ask. My first ex was very abusive and only by the grace of God did I survive that relationship.

As with abusive relationships, there is usually homelessness involved. I and the children were in the Lighthouse many times. It is a place for abused women and children in Ohio. they are marvelous. My children loved it there. Throughout all of this I was attending college. I wrote my thesis while in the Lighthouse, taking care of my children and working. But the stress was pretty bad, and a woman died in there and my son who was 17 at the time about to turn 18, was living with us in the Lighthouse. He sat down beside the lady, not knowing that she had passed away. Some of the women in there made fun of him, not bad, just poking fun, but unbeknownst to us, my son was turning 18 and immediately had mental health issues. Serious Mental health issues. One of my other sons was staying with his sister because when I went to Lighthouse, he was 18, but still in high school and therefore still living with me, but couldn't be in Lighthouse with us. He was also having mental health issues. One night right after my son turned 18, he took a turn for the worse and had to be taken from Lighthouse to hospital and admitted into the psychiatric ward. That night I left the Lighthouse and went back to my husband, even though he was on drugs and abusive. I just thought it would be better for my son to be at home when he got out of psychiatric ward than being at Lighthouse. I don't know why I thought he would be better off, but I did. Plus I had three younger children also that were confused about their brother and wanted their dad because they were feeling lost and I was drowning with school, work and son in hospital son at my daughter's causing problems. 

While I was in the Lighthouse I was able to get my psychology degree. But no experience working outside the house so I couldn't get a job. I really tried. 

Going back to the ex was a mistake as you might have guessed. He had started using meth, and was up all night and was passing out naked in the bathroom. I would have to pick the lock and get him up and moving. We got in a huge fight over our little boy wearing what my ex thought was the same pair of pants to school, but it so happened that he had two pairs and he wanted to wear them straight in a row and as long as they were clean I didn't see a problem with it. Anyway he was choking me in front of our three year old and I scratched him to get away. A friend of mine called the cops even though I had asked her not to, because I didn't want to go back to Lighthouse with my son. Anyway I was able to get help and we stayed at a hotel for a week, and then we moved into a house with the help of section 8.

At that time my other son also came to live with me. At this time they were both going to New Horizons and getting help. But the medication wasn't working very well, it was like they were experimenting trying to see which one worked best. The side effects was pretty bad sometimes and so they would refuse to take it. And it was like that all the time. It was okay and then it wasn't. Then my ex got kicked out of his parents house and was living in his car outside my house, and the children would be upset. So I let him stay in our son's room for a while.

Then there was a problem with the house and the landlord wouldn't fix the problem, so section 8 had us move. But only myself and the three younger kids. The went to shelter and with the help of New Horizons they both got a place. But every time they did good, they would quit taking medication and then they would end up in jail or hospital. And every time it would get worse it seems like. Anyway they would still show up at our place every morning by six, because you couldn't stay in shelter pass like 5:30 am. Needless to say without their medication things wasn't going well. 

About the same time, my fourteen year old girl became friends with an eighteen year old boy that rode her school bus. That was a disaster, he ended up abusing her and we had to call the cops. Around the same time I found out that my six year old had been sexually abused by her grandfather. My world was falling apart. It was around that same time I suffered a stroke. I went to see a neurologist and found out that I have a brain aneurysm. going to the doctor for all the tests I also found out I have a hole in my heart. I continued to receive medical care from the neurologist, but it wasn't good. He suggested that I leave for a while. So with all that was going on I packed up and left to go stay with a friend. Now I realized how selfish that was, because I left the boys behind. I made sure they both had a place, medical, and food stamps. But unfortunately it didn't last long.

Still I believe it was God working miracles, because if I had stayed in Lancaster, I would surely be dead. I got Covid pretty bad and almost died, I was like a walking dead person. I was knocking on heaven's door. But thank God I survived. A month later, my colon ruptured, Praise God I made it through that too. But all through that my friend was the only help I had. The three younger children were fighting me every step of the way, because they didn't want to move, they wanted to go home.

And this is where I failed big time. The three younger children fought me every step of the way, they were failing in school, I was constantly getting calls, they wouldn't listen. I got a hundred and fifty dollars in child support for all three of them, I was struggling. I felt lost and alone, I felt unloved and disrespected. I gave up my entire life for my children, I love my children with all my heart, but I felt like I was drowning, I didn't believe that they had any love for me. So I started to stay away during the day, I made sure that they went to school and I made sure that there was always food in the house and I came home every evening, but we didn't talk much. Myself and the little one spent a lot of time together, but my older daughter and my son pretty much stayed in their room.

Eventually my older daughter wanted to go work, which is awesome, but it just couldn't happened at the time she wanted to because of some circumstances. I asked her to give me time and I would work it out for her to get a job. But she didn't want to wait and her dad promised her that if she moved in with him, he would get her a car and let her go to work, Of course it was all lies, but she fell for it and she packed up and left me. She broke my heart, I never in all my life thought they would leave me. After she left things weren't the same. My friend retired and decided to move to Florida. 

In Feb of 2023 I had my rotator cuff replaced and my children left to live with their dad, all three of them. My heart shattered. I lost the house of course because I didn't have the children anymore. So I sold my stuff and moved to Florida to house sit for my friend. Once again like I said I skipped over many things, so if there is something you want to ask about, please feel free to do so.

Today I am in Florida, but once again my boys are one in jail and one in shelter, I need information on how to help adult children with mental health issues that wont take medication. Also getting ready to go to Ohio to visit younger children. Please pray for us, we need all the help we can get.

So far I mentioned the two sick boys and the three younger children. I didn't mention the other four because they are beautiful and well. Oldest live in South Carolina, married and have three beautiful children, second oldest is in the Air Force, married and have three beautiful children also, third, is a girl, my oldest daughter, married and have two beautiful children, fourth is in Vegas, he lives with his grandmother and grandfather, engaged, and his bride to be have two children that he loves and spoils. So see not all bad things. Plus my boys didn't ask to be sick, and if you ever met them, they are sweet boys, i adore them. And my beautiful babies the three younger children, well you cannot find any children more adorable, as adorable as all my grandchildren. Life is rough, its tough, even to say the least, but God is good, God is always good, and faith and hope never dies.

Everything has good and bad in life. Most people believe that if you believe in God, He is suppose to be like a genie in a bottle and all you have to do is ask and your wish will be granted. Nope, the Bible tells you that the world hate Jesus and it will also hate you. And God's thoughts and plans are higher than ours and most times they do not coincide. Sometimes God says no, maybe or wait. And as humans we are the most impatient creatures ever. Please don't think I am perfect or that I never have doubts, I do, I am just like everyone else. But one thing I do know is Jesus Christ is the Son of God, He came to earth died for our sins and He is coming back to take us home. In the meantime we have the Holy Spirit to guide us and lead us and to comfort us.

Back to my boys, I am trying to figure out a way to help them. They need a home. As of right now they are not on medication. I was able to get a hold of a girl from a mental health program of America and she was trying to get a hold of New Horizons to see what they can resume doing. Please pray for a good outcome. They also need a home, prayers for that also. Bible says prayers of more than one is better, "where two or more is gathered in my name". 

I also have a nineteen year old daughter who is struggling, she needs a job and a car. Prayers please, prayers, prayers. Thank you all so much and please if you any of you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out and ask. Thank you and God bless you all always.